The Light..

Once again, I made up my mind, not to dream about you.
I found myself dreaming just yesterday...

I decided, I would never let you stray into my thoughts again.
I find myself letting you inadvertently, whenever I am all by myself...

I was determined not to even write your name ever.
Hardly realised I had done it yet again, unless i saw your name scribbled all over my notebook...

I resolved never to spare as much as a glimpse at those pictures of ours together, in which we smile & cuddle.
Yet, whenever I close my eyes, they are all I can see...

I hoped, against hope, that someday I would be able to obliterate the memories of those moments spent in your company.
Haven't been able to, even if for an instant...

I thought, with time I would be able to forget the warmth of your tender touch, however rare they have been.
The more I try, the more my efforts stand futile...

But, I don't feel the pain anymore...
I don't try to put you out of my mind anymore...
Maybe I cannot...
Maybe I don't want to...

That touch, those precious moments, they are all I have. And perhaps all I deserve..

I have learnt to accept, that you are like a moon in my life- who can be loved, if at all, only from a distance, only in detachment..
Who doesn't promise to wrap you with the warmth of his affection, but readily lends you a ray of light, to illuminate just enough, for you to be able to see him & love him..

I don't want anything from you, except for this light.
I don't want your proximity, just wish you would be close enough to keep illuminating my life forever..and ever...

The pseudo-Speaking Tree

Sometimes, something someone says, goes not much heeded in first place; but then something strikes you, & the same thing starts appearing so much more meaningful with things you have been facing recently, & so inspiring!

Something of the sort happened the other day, when having a discussion on happiness, my dear friend said- “You have to be the source of your own happiness. The trick is to figure out how, & stop depending on others for the smile that delicately embellishes your face. I mean its these simple few words, yet spoken so evidently, that it almost makes perfect sense! One should make oneself mentally strong, enough not to have to look upto others for bliss in life.

Be it your spouse, or siblings, or even your parents for that matter. Howsoever they might be loving you, & you them, nevertheless, I think it would only be unfair to expect everything the way you want from them. Even if they want to go all the way to adorn that smile on your face for like forever, at the end of the day they are all separate individuals. They all have their own way of reacting to situations & handling them. None utterly alike you. However hard they try, its not possible for them to act according to your expectations all the time. And obviously if they don’t, & you still look upto them for glee in your life, you are bound to be disappointed.

I believe if we keep looking upto others to give us the happy life that we truly deserve, we would only end up in despair, & in turn might as well end up in self pity. May be insecurities about yourself, that it is you who is at fault.

A few things that might be done to get out of it all & make a start, however perplexing the concept seems to appear…

1. For once, stop mistrusting others, even if you haven’t seen everything with your naked eyes. That way, you could end up utilizing the positive energy on yourself, may be pamper yourself a bit, take a feel of the feel-good factor & relax.

2. Second, try & do only what your conscience tells you to. So later, if someone blames you for something, or may be don’t understand the gravity of your actions, don’t pay heed. ‘Coz they were not meant to understand you. If they think lowly of you, its entirely their problem. Do listen to them all the same, ‘coz if that makes you feel your conscience made you do the wrong thing, you could always learn from the criticisms & your past.

3. Don’t fear. Do what feels right to you without bothering for the consequences. As they say, those who matter don’t mind, & those who mind, don’t matter. Don’t fear losing the beloved one if he can’t understand your conduct. Rather, look for an ally in those who still love you the way you are & accept you with your own good & bad baggages.

4. Lastly, if you are actually going through this torment seriously, don’t try to give it too much thought or feel inspired may be, by this pseudo-speaking tree. Mainly because, may be I am kidding writing it all, since I very well know deep down, that I won’t be able to implement even a quarter of it in my own life. Guess, I’m penning it down more to tell myself this is how an ideal world should be like, & that I should strive to attain it.

P.S. Source of inspiration- Akhil :)