The Light..

Once again, I made up my mind, not to dream about you.
I found myself dreaming just yesterday...

I decided, I would never let you stray into my thoughts again.
I find myself letting you inadvertently, whenever I am all by myself...

I was determined not to even write your name ever.
Hardly realised I had done it yet again, unless i saw your name scribbled all over my notebook...

I resolved never to spare as much as a glimpse at those pictures of ours together, in which we smile & cuddle.
Yet, whenever I close my eyes, they are all I can see...

I hoped, against hope, that someday I would be able to obliterate the memories of those moments spent in your company.
Haven't been able to, even if for an instant...

I thought, with time I would be able to forget the warmth of your tender touch, however rare they have been.
The more I try, the more my efforts stand futile...

But, I don't feel the pain anymore...
I don't try to put you out of my mind anymore...
Maybe I cannot...
Maybe I don't want to...

That touch, those precious moments, they are all I have. And perhaps all I deserve..

I have learnt to accept, that you are like a moon in my life- who can be loved, if at all, only from a distance, only in detachment..
Who doesn't promise to wrap you with the warmth of his affection, but readily lends you a ray of light, to illuminate just enough, for you to be able to see him & love him..

I don't want anything from you, except for this light.
I don't want your proximity, just wish you would be close enough to keep illuminating my life forever..and ever...

The pseudo-Speaking Tree

Sometimes, something someone says, goes not much heeded in first place; but then something strikes you, & the same thing starts appearing so much more meaningful with things you have been facing recently, & so inspiring!

Something of the sort happened the other day, when having a discussion on happiness, my dear friend said- “You have to be the source of your own happiness. The trick is to figure out how, & stop depending on others for the smile that delicately embellishes your face. I mean its these simple few words, yet spoken so evidently, that it almost makes perfect sense! One should make oneself mentally strong, enough not to have to look upto others for bliss in life.

Be it your spouse, or siblings, or even your parents for that matter. Howsoever they might be loving you, & you them, nevertheless, I think it would only be unfair to expect everything the way you want from them. Even if they want to go all the way to adorn that smile on your face for like forever, at the end of the day they are all separate individuals. They all have their own way of reacting to situations & handling them. None utterly alike you. However hard they try, its not possible for them to act according to your expectations all the time. And obviously if they don’t, & you still look upto them for glee in your life, you are bound to be disappointed.

I believe if we keep looking upto others to give us the happy life that we truly deserve, we would only end up in despair, & in turn might as well end up in self pity. May be insecurities about yourself, that it is you who is at fault.

A few things that might be done to get out of it all & make a start, however perplexing the concept seems to appear…

1. For once, stop mistrusting others, even if you haven’t seen everything with your naked eyes. That way, you could end up utilizing the positive energy on yourself, may be pamper yourself a bit, take a feel of the feel-good factor & relax.

2. Second, try & do only what your conscience tells you to. So later, if someone blames you for something, or may be don’t understand the gravity of your actions, don’t pay heed. ‘Coz they were not meant to understand you. If they think lowly of you, its entirely their problem. Do listen to them all the same, ‘coz if that makes you feel your conscience made you do the wrong thing, you could always learn from the criticisms & your past.

3. Don’t fear. Do what feels right to you without bothering for the consequences. As they say, those who matter don’t mind, & those who mind, don’t matter. Don’t fear losing the beloved one if he can’t understand your conduct. Rather, look for an ally in those who still love you the way you are & accept you with your own good & bad baggages.

4. Lastly, if you are actually going through this torment seriously, don’t try to give it too much thought or feel inspired may be, by this pseudo-speaking tree. Mainly because, may be I am kidding writing it all, since I very well know deep down, that I won’t be able to implement even a quarter of it in my own life. Guess, I’m penning it down more to tell myself this is how an ideal world should be like, & that I should strive to attain it.

P.S. Source of inspiration- Akhil :)

Its never 'The End'..

Everyone has his/her aspirations & expectations from life. But what I wonder is how many of you have actually seen your dreams get shattered in front of your very eyes. Happens with me all the time. Well, I really won’t buy it if anyone of you say, you have always got what you asked for, that your life is perfect, that you don’t have any regrets in life & so on & so forth. Even those rich spoilt brats out there, who hardly ever dream of anything apart from stuff that money can buy, can’t claim to have had that ideal a life!!
I mean life is apparently not a bed of roses for anyone. That’s one thing I love about ‘Life’. It treats everyone pretty equally, without any biases. Contentment of the size of a pea, & sacks full of frustration!! To make matters even worse, the grass always looks greener on the other side!!

So, coming back to the point I was trying to make, I was actually pondering how well you have accepted those tattered hopes & shattered dreams in times of despair, & moved on with life.

Just for instance, how would you feel, when, since childhood all you ever wanted to do when you grew up was to join the Army & serve the nation. You always knew that was what you were meant for, that was your only dream, u wanted to fill colors to. But then one fine day someone breaks the news to you, that your dream is too unrealistic since you have a flat foot & is not fit enough to be a part of the army! You feel devastated! Should you have gone for a medical check up before beginning to give shape to your dreams? Too late to mend your ways now. You feel as if paralyzed for the rest of your life!

Or, what would you do, when he was the only person you ever loved; dreamt of you with him in all your dreams. You, in your imaginations, have already lived an entire life with him, have thought of every tiny aspect of your future with him, loving him, taking care of him, having kids with him. Only, you haven’t told him so. And then one fine day when you finally muster courage to do so, you get to know he doesn’t feel the same for you; or maybe has someone else in his life! You feel scarred for a lifetime, feel an essential part of you is already dead! You wonder to how many pieces your heart has been broken & how you would still keep loving him with those broken pieces!!

Or for that matter, how would you respond, when while raising your only son, all you could think of was how to get him the best birthday present, send him to the best school in town, get him married to the smartest chick out there…sing lullabies to your grandchild, narrate to the little one anecdotes of how his father would never let your gran’ma heave a sigh of relief when he was a kid! But, the next thing you know is, your son returns from his honeymoon only to realize that you are nothing but an interference in their life now, & that they are sending you to an old age home! You suddenly don’t know what to do with the little life left ahead of you, & you don’t even care! But you make sure you fight back your tears & don’t let your son feel you are weak in any way!

It is then that you get to hear a series of those clichéd lines yet again:
‘Everything will be alright with time...’
‘God chose you because he has other & better plans for you…’
‘This is not the end of life, it only calls for a new beginning…’

What the heck!!
I mean what good could it possibly have meant, when your only ambition of joining the army since childhood is broken in a matter of seconds? Or how could you ever return someone else’s love when you have already given your share to someone else? And for the poor lady, with just a few more days left of her life, what good could really be in store for her, apart from the fact that she would soon leave the world to wave hello to God personally by herself?
Okay so I don’t mean to be sarcastic, but under such circumstances how can anything ever be alright with time again? And when your mind is totally blocked from the shove of your shattered hopes, how could you possibly think of making a new beginning??

To me, all these are nothing but crap! Nothing but ways to console you for sometime, so that you can save your tears for the time when you are alone, & don’t have to bother the one comforting you, with your pleas for a better life. Because at the end of the day, the acrid fact is that life is more about punishments than rewards. Maybe you do forget a few things with time, but it is nearly next to impossible to give up your past failures entirely before making a new start; at least that’s the case for normal people like me. But personally, I also feel, these intricate moments are times which have actually helped me mature over the years, helped me connect to myself on a spiritual level, just when I was about to lose touch!

The bottom line now being, its never ‘The End’ of anything. All your dreams may be tattered & ragged, but life waits & stops for none! So, however hard it might be, its high time we stopped empathizing with ourselves & giving false condolences, & started facing the challenges posed to us. Not that much is in our hand to change things the way it is anyways!!

Life...After Death

I would love to begin this post paying homage to all those who lost their lives in the recent Mumbai attacks (or any of the other recent terrorist attacks, for that matter), & my heartfelt condolences for those near & dear ones of the dead, who are alive, with a glimmer missing in their life somewhere, & still having the courage to move on with life.
Hats off to those NSG commandos who fought with their lives to save a few others!! Kudos to Mumbai to have taken rebirth, more like a phoenix taking rebirth from its own ashes!!

Every time I open the newspaper in the morning these days, I can’t help feeling dejected. I shudder at the very notion of watching the news, lest, there be news of yet another attack in some part of the country, hollowing it from within, eating into the vitals of our nation. Its heartrending, how some people bestow their entire life, to take other’s lives, in the process not even caring if they lost their own or other fellow friends’. Worse still, when its all done in the name of faith for some religion! And miserable still, how politicians & filmmakers & the media use it all to advance their brand names.

I mean, has our communal conflicts overpowered us so much that we can’t see straight with our open eyes how many innocent lives we are taking? How low can we really stoop, so that even if our most piffling wish is not fulfilled, we wouldn’t think twice before picking up a knife & mercilessly slitting someone’s throat??
Indeed, at times I feel, this is not merely a slap on the face of our motherland, but of the entire Humanity. There has to be some fault in the part of the social order, to still nourish such antisocial beings.

What anguishes me most is when I think of the fact, how the entire civilization could have progressed, only if all the energy, the intelligence, the dedication, that is being focused in planning for a mass attack, could have been channeled for the upliftment of the mankind instead!!

As for the rest of the citizens, like me, who today fear stepping out of the house, think twice before enjoying an evening shopping or watching a movie with their loved ones, thinking of their plight often reminds me of those few famous lines by Rabindranath Tagore-

WHERE the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free.
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls.
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake!!

Alas!!!

Fantasies...

I wish one night I would go to sleep, only to wake up the next day to find myself blanketed by the warmth of the sunlight, in a seashore may be; just me & no one else around. The little waves would slash against my feet, welcoming me to their emancipating cosmos. The Daffodils standing in a row with panache, would be waving & smiling at me to make my day.

I wouldn’t have to bother about attending another boring lecture, or submitting yet another report, or being nice to someone I least want to face, lest I hurt him/her, or for that matter, getting over a lost love. I wouldn’t have to care if I look good enough to bear a presentable facade in the society.

I would go and sing to the dancing dolphins. I would hop into the water to take a ride on them. I would play around with the squirrels & nibble a nut or two from a tree. I would watch the sparrows fluttering their wings, times & again sitting on my shoulders & whispering a word or two in my ears; perhaps alluring me to get off the ground along with them, to see how the earth looks from the sky, to feel what it takes to be so far from the profanity existing below. Its then that I wish, I could speak their language, or may be have a wing or two to take off & land over the clouds.

The lilies would pull me towards them, coaxing me to recite to them the story of how the debonair Prince came on a galloping white horse & swept the floor off the gorgeous Princess’ feet. The rainbow would beckon me to join him to sprinkle color over the rest. I would shout out at the top of my voice & there would be no one to hush me to silence. Only the flowers, the dolphins, the squirrels & the sparrows to join me in my lunacy.

I so won’t wish that this should stop, but just then the bedside alarm would ring off, welcoming me back to the reality; to wake up & get ready for yet another boring lecture, to prepare for yet another presentation, to veil my weeping heart with that fake smile yet again…


P.S.- With majors over & an entire month of holiday ahead, I agree I had nothing better to do than let my imagination run wild, to get my mind off some other perturbing thoughts. So kindly save your thrashings & abuses till atleast my results are out. ;)

Created to Rule

Okay, so may be you get no freaking idea as to what this post is going to be all about merely by reading the title. Yet, I leave it as such simply to create an interest for the otherwise boring article and make you go through the entire one to find out why I named it so (pardon my barbaric act). It won’t be too much of a lie either, to mention here that I actually couldn’t think of any other apt title, hence the ‘mystery’ created by me. I once again realize (perhaps for the 10th time today), that I possess this utmost ability to keep moving helter-skelter and writing all non-sense for a page or two before pouncing upon the actual point, which I happen to summarize tactfully in a few lines, and which I’m trying to prevent for the first time ever.

So finally coming to the point, this article might be a little too philosophical for some, way too non-sense for others; but to me, it did strike a chord somewhere, which I why I am penning this down in the first place. I marvel, how a few things are so much better and easier written, than preached or said aloud.

The other day while chatting to a dear fellow friend, I became prey to one of his yet another ‘short yet sweet’ philosophical lectures, if I might call it so. The purpose of it directed towards me… well that’s yet another story. Let’s not go into it for the time being, but this is how it went.

It is about human origin. Long time age, God very cleverly, absolving from his own errands created a being called WOMAN- to bear the sole responsibility of the Universe. He made her emotionally intact, nurturing, self-sacrificing, who knew exactly what to do when, and the ability to provide immeasurable love and care to fellow beings. These helped her cope up with her toil. But with time, she began facing problems of her own while solving others’. She had no one to shield her from the negative vibes out there. That is when God felt the necessity to create MAN, as the protector, to look after the needs of the WOMAN. Thus along with this background, the WOMAN by default became the chooser; she was given the right to choose from a herd of Men as to whom she wanted to be her protector.

But the WOMAN was a woman after all !!
She let the MAN share all her rights and allowed him to walk shoulder to shoulder with her. Eventually as time passed, she forgot that she was ‘Created to Rule’. And today the excruciating situation is that the WOMAN is being subdued, tormented and used; so much so, that in some places they are killed in the womb itself, as if it’s a sin to be a WOMAN!

I really didn’t intend to write this stuff as a feminist or anything of that sort. Just wanted to use this as a podium to urge all the WOMEN out there to realize once again that you were born to Rule. So there is no point spending your life in a slumber. You can actually make things happen, make the entire world fall at your feet, only if you wish to do so. Well, may be this won’t even reach the ears of those women whom I specifically want to address, or those who are being tormented the most. But I would do my part all the same.

I don’t know how many readers are going to agree with me on this, nor how many would even be able to take in what I had to say. I only take solace from the fact that atleast now you all know the relevance of the Title of this post, if nothing else. Last but far from least, would like to thank Haldi for his untimely advices n philosophies, which give me a reason to post new articles in my otherwise passive blog every other time :)

To live in your dreams...

Being an avid reader, I read loads of stuff almost everyday; infact anything and everything that I can lay my hands on. I also generally get influenced by too many things that I pass by. But sometimes merely a simple notion or thought can make you pen down an entire article. That’s exactly the reason why I all of a sudden felt the need to write yet another post in my much ‘controversial’ piece of blog.

The other day, I came across a citation by an eminent personality- ‘Reality is a great place to visit, but I would rather live in my dreams’.
Now I don’t even remember where and when I had read it. All I know is that it has left a deep imprint on my mind. Perhaps because somewhere I could totally relate to it, that I myself believe in living within the shell of my own dream world, rather than the astute reality. Its just like one can actually understand the depth of the lyrics of a romantic song only when one has been through the phase of love at some point of time in life.

To me its an euphoric feeling to lay the foundation of your dream world and then build it wisely into a kind of place you would love to spend your life in, but know that the shackles of ‘reality’ would never let you do so. You feel more like an emperor, rather like the Almighty himself, as you are not only the architect to have designed the entire place, but also its owner, and can maneuver it at your own wish, that too within a split second. What’s more… you don’t even have to put in any effort to do so!!
Infact your ‘thoughts’ is perhaps the only thing that can travel faster than light!!! So just let your thoughts drift into the oblivion…sit back in your cushion and relax….

More often than ever, that is exactly what I do… give wings to my imaginations…

… And I find myself sitting by a beach all alone, just me and my solitude… I can see the blue ocean kissing the horizon with its enormity, and some birds, like tiny dots, flying back to their nests through the clear evening sky. I can listen to the whispering of waves as they come gushing towards me and sweep away with them the soft sand from beneath my feet, instilling into the air a tinge of peace, a dash of serenity… Even the cool breeze envelops me with warmth of fulfillment.

Somewhere at a distance, I can hear a few children playing and laughing their way to glory, with not a streak of worry in their pure minds. I wonder for sometime, how long will this smile remain intact on their face, before it gets lost into a chase for a “successful” career or a so called ‘contented’ life, with all the modern gadgets and amenities to fulfill all their physical needs, but nothing at all to fuel their peace of mind.
A few happy couples lying here and there seem to be totally lost into each other, and a few others collecting shells with their arms around each other’s waist.

Its then that I feel a gentle hand on my shoulders. I turn back to see a smiling face, that very face which in reality I see everywhere my eyes take me to; without whom I feel empty from within, with whom I can talk and talk; and yet what I actually intended to say hesitantly remains preserved in my heart forever; somehow the words just refuse to escape my lips in ‘reality’… But in my dreams, I smile back to him and sit with my head on his shoulders, enjoying the beautiful, welcoming evening. I know that I’ll always have this shoulder to lay myself on, and these hands around me to protect me from the shrewdness outside, forever…

I take my eyes around, to find small cliffs and lines of palm trees… a few sand castles made by the playing children…
No honking of car horns, no cell phones ringing, no blue line buses crossing the footpath and killing roadsiders, no terrorists causing terror in civil hospitals, no two political parties fighting over a ruling position, no teen-suicides over a mere seat in an engineering college…

It gives me a kind of solace I have never felt in years and I just devour it with relish…



I know they tag those, who like me, love to live in their delusionary world, away from the reality, as ‘insane’. As the so called ‘sane’ people say- ‘You shut your eyes from reality doesn’t mean reality shuts its eyes from you too!’. But then, if reality is all about chasing money or job in the name of ‘success’, and in the meantime losing not only your values, but also the petty, perhaps more insignificant, yet joyous elements of life, then I find, to live in your dreams is far more worthwhile. After all, don’t these ‘sane’ people also say, that you get to live just one life and should live it to the fullest?

To me living to the fullest is not about to party till you drop, but to take a stroll along the sea shore with your closest one and keep no count of time…
Not to spend thousands of bucks on a holiday trip to Australia, but to sit in a garden nearby and watch the butterflies playing hide and seek with the flowers…
Not to buy costly gifts for that special one in your life to impress her, but to pluck a flower from the roadside and give it to her as a token of your feelings, and let your eyes do the speaking instead of words…

Indeed!! I wish such a world could actually exist parallel to ‘reality’. I wish I could paint the world according to my dreams. Alas! Its just like you can’t worship God and Mammon at the same time!
But then, I also fear, that if all my wishes come true, I would have no imagination to succumb to, in one of those times when I desperately beg to be free from the fetters of reality.

In the end, I hate to acknowledge, but I know I am also one of those ‘sane’ ones, running after materialistic happiness. In this run I have already gained myself a seat in an engineering college, much to my parents’ and teachers’ pride; and may be in a few years would be someone who can be defined as ‘successful’ too. But what I will never know is, in the long run, how many trivial joys of my life I have actually missed…
By the end of my life, I would know for sure how many years I had in my life… yet I am dubious if I would ever know, how much life I had in my years…